Madam & Eve

A few weeks back I watched the much acclaimed movie “The Help” based on the experience and struggles of domestic helpers in America’s 1950’s. During the movie I felt a myriad of emotions, predominantly anger and indignation. They were given little or no respect; no thought was paid to their feelings, or concerns, let alone their individual dreams and aspirations. My grandmother worked as a domestic helper for over 20yrs, and from her stories, I grew up understanding that this is truly a gruelling job; one that sometimes yields very little rewards, or receives little praise, thanks and appreciation. After watching that movie, I had to question myself, and wonder what type of “madam” am I.

Last September I was extremely excited to move into a place of my own. Having my own place signified many things, but mostly it was the outward assertion of my independence.  My job is fairly hectic, and demands many hours of my time. This extreme dedication to my job means that priorities such as “good housekeeping” are generally low on my list of to do things. I saw early on that I would need help with some of the household responsibilities. So I decided to become a “madam” and employ someone who would come in once a week, to help with “thorough” cleaning. The lady that helps is Khetsiwe and she is truly a blessing in my life.

I was surprised (but not entirely shocked) to realise that my “madam” sensibilities are extremely similar to those of my mom.  The old adage that we   grow into our parents is definitely true in my case... (My mom would be very proud if she knew the truth). One thing that I am grateful for is that growing up in my mother’s home, I learnt a lot of things by osmosis. I may not have been conscious of it from an early age, but my mother had, and still has very definite ideas about how the relationship between her and her domestic helper should be. Here are some valuable lessons that I have come appreciate.

1.       She is there to HELP you:
One thing I observed was that none of the ladies that worked in our home did anything that my mom was not already doing. They were employed to make the load easier, to assist with the daily upkeep of the home. Khetsiwe is not a “slave” that I have employed to order around, whilst I pursue more desirable exploits. The ultimate responsibility of maintaining good housekeeping still rests squarely on me.

2.       Monkey see, monkey do:
I cannot and must not expect that Khetsiwe does something that she has not seen me do first. So if it is the way I wash my dishes (I have a method), clean the bathroom (cannot stand stains in the toilet bowl) or wash my clothes (also have a method), I have to lead by example, I must be the one to set the standard. Time taken to train and teach is never wasted.

3.       Strike up a Conversation:
The women that clean our homes are people with their own lives, dreams and aspirations. They are mothers, wives, girlfriends, daughters and sisters elsewhere. It’s important to take an interest in them as a person, get to know them and their story. You can be surprised to learn something you wouldn’t have otherwise known.  Making assumptions is dangerous, and does not inspire confidence or trust. Khetsiwe has ambitions to enrol at the local Teacher’s College and is awaiting a positive response to her application.

4.       Sharing is Caring:
Generosity goes a long way. Too many of us like to “get away” with giving the barest minimum, be it money, time, food, clothes, knowledge etc. I strongly believe you lose nothing by going beyond what is expected. The best feeling in the world is to know that you are making a positive difference in someone’s life, and that what may seem small to you, can be appreciated as  something big by the next person.  See how you can assist her in moving forward in life. It could be a recommendation to friends which then means that instead of just working one day a week at your place. She can increase her earnings working for someone else as well for the remainder days of the week.

5.       TRUST:
Trust her to get on with the work. Don’t hover around, and be dogged about maintaining control. Show that you are free to trust her to do the work well and to your exacting standard without you around (yes be free to go to work, the shops, the bank etc). She understands the responsibility, and will hopefully take her work seriously enough to safeguard her employment (yeah I have an issue with this lesson...I’m a control freak! Still learning I guess)

I am still a novice at being a “madam”, but I would hope that I have started off on the right foot. I hope that Khetsiwe believes that I am a good and generous employer; that when she goes off to start her diploma in education in a few months time, (yes, I am hoping that her application is successful) she will be happy to recommend me as someone for whom it is great to work.