Madam & Eve

A few weeks back I watched the much acclaimed movie “The Help” based on the experience and struggles of domestic helpers in America’s 1950’s. During the movie I felt a myriad of emotions, predominantly anger and indignation. They were given little or no respect; no thought was paid to their feelings, or concerns, let alone their individual dreams and aspirations. My grandmother worked as a domestic helper for over 20yrs, and from her stories, I grew up understanding that this is truly a gruelling job; one that sometimes yields very little rewards, or receives little praise, thanks and appreciation. After watching that movie, I had to question myself, and wonder what type of “madam” am I.

Last September I was extremely excited to move into a place of my own. Having my own place signified many things, but mostly it was the outward assertion of my independence.  My job is fairly hectic, and demands many hours of my time. This extreme dedication to my job means that priorities such as “good housekeeping” are generally low on my list of to do things. I saw early on that I would need help with some of the household responsibilities. So I decided to become a “madam” and employ someone who would come in once a week, to help with “thorough” cleaning. The lady that helps is Khetsiwe and she is truly a blessing in my life.

I was surprised (but not entirely shocked) to realise that my “madam” sensibilities are extremely similar to those of my mom.  The old adage that we   grow into our parents is definitely true in my case... (My mom would be very proud if she knew the truth). One thing that I am grateful for is that growing up in my mother’s home, I learnt a lot of things by osmosis. I may not have been conscious of it from an early age, but my mother had, and still has very definite ideas about how the relationship between her and her domestic helper should be. Here are some valuable lessons that I have come appreciate.

1.       She is there to HELP you:
One thing I observed was that none of the ladies that worked in our home did anything that my mom was not already doing. They were employed to make the load easier, to assist with the daily upkeep of the home. Khetsiwe is not a “slave” that I have employed to order around, whilst I pursue more desirable exploits. The ultimate responsibility of maintaining good housekeeping still rests squarely on me.

2.       Monkey see, monkey do:
I cannot and must not expect that Khetsiwe does something that she has not seen me do first. So if it is the way I wash my dishes (I have a method), clean the bathroom (cannot stand stains in the toilet bowl) or wash my clothes (also have a method), I have to lead by example, I must be the one to set the standard. Time taken to train and teach is never wasted.

3.       Strike up a Conversation:
The women that clean our homes are people with their own lives, dreams and aspirations. They are mothers, wives, girlfriends, daughters and sisters elsewhere. It’s important to take an interest in them as a person, get to know them and their story. You can be surprised to learn something you wouldn’t have otherwise known.  Making assumptions is dangerous, and does not inspire confidence or trust. Khetsiwe has ambitions to enrol at the local Teacher’s College and is awaiting a positive response to her application.

4.       Sharing is Caring:
Generosity goes a long way. Too many of us like to “get away” with giving the barest minimum, be it money, time, food, clothes, knowledge etc. I strongly believe you lose nothing by going beyond what is expected. The best feeling in the world is to know that you are making a positive difference in someone’s life, and that what may seem small to you, can be appreciated as  something big by the next person.  See how you can assist her in moving forward in life. It could be a recommendation to friends which then means that instead of just working one day a week at your place. She can increase her earnings working for someone else as well for the remainder days of the week.

5.       TRUST:
Trust her to get on with the work. Don’t hover around, and be dogged about maintaining control. Show that you are free to trust her to do the work well and to your exacting standard without you around (yes be free to go to work, the shops, the bank etc). She understands the responsibility, and will hopefully take her work seriously enough to safeguard her employment (yeah I have an issue with this lesson...I’m a control freak! Still learning I guess)

I am still a novice at being a “madam”, but I would hope that I have started off on the right foot. I hope that Khetsiwe believes that I am a good and generous employer; that when she goes off to start her diploma in education in a few months time, (yes, I am hoping that her application is successful) she will be happy to recommend me as someone for whom it is great to work.

Press Pause...

I am workaholic; something inherited, and of course then fuelled by a rather demanding job.  I realised a few years ago that I thrive in high pressure, high energy situations (or at least I used to tell myself that). The problem with living in this constant gear of high drama is that sooner or later it takes its toll, and can become incredibly tiring. The need for balance is something that has been weighing strongly on me in recent months.

This past weekend I decided to take what is termed a “Strategic Time-Out” (those that are cricket fans will understand). A strategic timeout can be taken during a cricket match for a team to regroup and change tactics if they see that the match is not going their way. It’s a short intermission during the game, whose main purpose is to alter the performance of the team and hopefully the outcome of the game in the team’s favour. For a while I’ve been feeling the urge and desire to just switch off for a few days, and take a break from my life, and regroup as it were. During a conversation with one of my directors I expressed how tired I was (mentally, emotionally, and physically).  To my surprise he offered me a “weekend pass” to get away from it all, all expenses paid. I couldn’t believe it, but I quickly realised that it was the direct answer to my prayers, and grabbed this blessing with both hands. Ever the planner, I already knew what I wanted to do, and where I wanted to go. The dream was to spend a relaxed weekend in the Kruger, see some game, rejuvenate at a Spa, and feel spoilt...hehehehehe... But yeah, not one to rip off my boss with a massive bill at a Five-Star facility, I decided to look closer to home, and was pleasantly surprised that for less than a third of the Kruger prices, I could do everything I wanted to do right here in Swaziland. The two days away from it all were great, a true gift. Yes, God is amazing!

 I’ve sometimes wondered what I would do if I could cause time to stand still, or change the direction of certain events in my life. Though I know I can’t make time stand still, I decided that it was important to have these few days of me being still. Apart from the obvious need for rest, I also desired that this would be an opportunity for real personal time for me, without the distraction of phone calls, laptops, even friends and family. I really needed to be alone with only my thoughts, and my bible, and re-view things as it were.  To some extent try to re-arrange things a little bit in my life so that the outcome tomorrow will be the most favourable, centred in God’s will for me. I felt desperate to get answers or solutions to issues that i am facing. A pow-wow with God, out of which i would emerge with a 10 point plan on how i was going to change my life!

We often get bogged down with the whole life routine. We focus on what is wrong, what is not working right, what is getting us down, and as a result we forget that there is a much bigger picture, of which we’re an integral part. We can’t actually stop the clock, but we can choose to stop, take a step back to gain a bit of perspective, and ask for God in His wisdom to direct us in the steps that we need to take to get us moving forward. There’s a beautiful song written by ‘70’s radical evangelist the late Keith Green “How Majestic is Thy Name” based on Psalm 8. It talks of the beauty of creation, everything that God has done and created. It then talks about man, and asks “What is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him”? In those solitary days of rest, I started asking myself that question. As His child he cares for me, my situation, my circumstances, my fears, etc. he made me a little lower than the Angels, he has given me dominion over the works of His hands, and put all things under my feet. I like what Hebrews 2:6(Amp) says “What is man that you are mindful of him, or the son of man that You graciously and helpfully care for and visit and look after him?” Surrounded by the incredible beauty of the African Bush, life in symphony: the birds, the trees, the river, the breeze, even the little gecko in my room; I had the realisation that God keeps it all going.  Every moment of each day, he sustains the beauty and life that surrounds us. Every creature has a purpose and a role to play. For each, God has made provision and anticipated its needs.  If he cares so much for nature and its creatures; how much more then for me, and the concerns and worries that i have? (Matthew 6 echoes the same sentiment).

Refreshed, recharged, re-energised and armed with nuggets of wisdom from God’s word, I head back to my life to resume “play”. The question is no longer how can I implement/re-engineer another strategy to get the outcome that I want; but rather it has been transformed to “How can I fulfil my part, play my God-appointed role in the greater orchestra that is life, and do it in a way that reflects, that i understand that He cares for and is mindful of me?”  This is the strategy that was birthed from my “Strategic Time-out”. The more I ask this of myself, the less I find myself worrying about things/life breaking down, because I have the confidence as well as the knowledge that the sustainer of life is ever attentive in relation to everything that concerns me.

The Road-Runner Chronicles Part 1 - A Salala's (Cheese Girl) Guide on How to Slaughter & Dress a Live Chicken

This is a funny recount of an experience that made a massive impact on me in the winter of 2010

7.00pm Monday 9 August 2010:

My mom nonchalantly announces that she has procured 2 live Road-runner chickens; one for my sister and one for me. She relates that whilst on a recent trip to Zim, she realised that her beloved girls, both of whom are now over-25 yrs of age; do not know how to take a live chicken and prepare a meal from scratch. I can already imagine how this "ephiphany" would be a cause for great distress for her. If for any reason, my sister and I were to be presented with a live chicken to prepare, espcially with our limited to non-existent knowledge; we most probably become the focal point for much ridicule, and the cause of great embarrassment for her. Naturally I'm thinking "ookkkaaayyyy...I get the concerns, and well, I guess such a "skill" is handy, especially since I don't know when and where I may need to draw on such experience" (rolling my eyes). But trying be a good sport, i thank her for her "thoughfulness" and secretly start psyching myself up for a weekend of slaughter and other gruesome acts on a poor defenseless bird...so much for that long over due coffee date huh??

9.30am Tuesday 10 August 2010:

My mom calls me whilst I'm at work. With much excitement, which is slightly laced with mischief, she proclaims " The birds have been delivered!!"... My response is "I was expecting them at the weekend,when i have time to prepare myself mentally for this exercise." Where will we keep them till Saturday? With 4 dogs roaming the yard, they'd be dead even before i get home! What will they eat till Saturday, it's not like i keep chicken feed around the house for such "eventualities...And so my mind races on...

In the evening I get home, and I'm informed that mom has solicited the help of my aunt who's visiting us from Zim. Upon my sister's request, she will do a demo so that we can see and learn what is to be done, making sure to observe the relevant "techniques". This is not what i had planned for my Tuesday evening. So much for catching up with Horratio Cain and the gang. Eager to "get the show on the road", i try to put together my most abused "stay @ home" outfit, since there's no telling how dramatic the ensuing proceedings are going to get. And so starts my "initiation" and right of passage, which according to mom, is LONG overdue.

Now for the benefit of all others who like me, have not had the benefit of this experience (and watching the gardner doing this as a young kid does not count for expereince); I've summarised a step-by-step process, as well as added some vital pointers so that chicken preparation can be as smooth as possible. Please bear in mind that this guide is only to be used when you are presented with a live bird, and expected to prepare a meal from your efforts. The likely people to present such a "gift" are mother's in-law, great aunties, tete's (sisters-in-law); grannies etc. Please remember that their motivation is NOT to be questioned. You need to remain humble and exhibit that you are "up-to" the task, despite your reservations, and anger etc... And most likely just as my mom sprung it upon me, they will do the same to you too...

1. Before Venturing outdoors to come face to face with your bird, ensure that you remove all pieces of valuable jewellary and clothing. You may consider wearing a head scarf / dhuku just to make sure that in the event of a struggle, there won't be any evdence of lasting / humiliating "damage" done to you.
2. Once outside, depending on the architecural features of your home, make sure that the chicken has not perched itself on the edge of the roof, or any other high ledge. If this is the case, a broom is handy in "coaxing" it down. though chickens are generally considered to be flighless birds, they will surprise you, especially when they can sense iminent death.
3. Chickens are extremely aggressive creatures, elusive and very "switched on". They will try to elude capture by all means. You may just break sweat trying to catch your bird, but the point is to be persistent. Don't Give Up (remember people will be watching) Try to be as graceful as possible
4. Once you have captured the bird, it is important to secure its legs with one hand and to "gently" hold it's throat (do not strangle it) so that it does not render a deafening squawking noise. This is particularly important if your neighbours live in close proximity to you. You don't want everyone murmurring "chicken murder" under their breaths...
5. You will need to find a section in your garden that is gravel / sandy. Please remember that the bird will be able to sense what is about to happen, so you need to be really firm. Using both feet, step on the chicken's feet with one fot and with the other foot secure it's wings. Then holding the head, as high as possible, expose the neck. I forgot to mention in the earlier steps that you need a VERY sharp knife to ensure a precise and swift motion. This is vital so that the bird does not suffer...at least not too much
6. Once you have cut through the neck, you will need to continue to step on the feet and wings of the bird. This is crucial if you want to avoid the "running headless chicken" scenario. It will get up and run everywhere if you're not vigilant, and if you have dogs like i do, it is of paramount importance that your bird does not get away 'cause the pups will run faster than you, and they will get the bird before you do and they will dismember it!
7. Once the bird stops jerking and you're confirdent that it is dead, you will need to hang it upside down fpr about 5 mins to drain off the blood. In the mean time you will need to boil water, about two kettles full. This you will place in a large dish
8. Once most of the blood has stopped dripping from the bird, you take it to the dish of boiling water, and proceed to lightly dip it in. This will esnure that the feathers will come off with ease when plucking. Do not allow the bird to "sit" in the water as the meat will start to cook, and your feather-plucking will be a rather gruesome and unfortunate affair.
9. Proceed to pluck the feathers, being as thorough as possible, We all know how irritating it is to buy chicken from the shops that still has feathers attached! For the finer plumage, you can make use of mealie meal to "exfoliate" these fine feathers away (it really does work). Also make sure that you remove the outer skin from the bird's feet
10. When removing the insides of the bird, there are various techniques which can be used as both my mom and aunt demonstrated. Crucial points to remember at this stage: (1)When removing the liver, take extra care NOT to puncture the gall bladder, as any spillage of the gall will ruin the entire bird's meat!! (2)It is important that once you have opened the gizzard, that you remove the "stones"(my bird was free range) and clean it thoroughly with clean water (3) Also important to remember, when your bird arrives (if you have ordered it) DO NOT feed it in the hours leading to it's death! If it has been feeding, it will mean that it's stomach will contain undigested food, and this is a whole other kind of of "ikkiness" that can be avoided (4)Make sure your sink area is clear of any dishes and clutter, the mess can be surprising! Also keep the kitchen window open, if your place is open plan, perhaps open the patio door to ensure a "through-fare" of fresh air

Finally, remember at ALL TIMES, that this is an EDUCATIONAL EXERCISE!! Making light of the task can also help it go "faster". C.S.I Jokes and parallels are welcomed esp for those that did not do biology at high school

*SIGH* When i reflect on my evening, i have a newfound respect for all those people that work in slaughter houses and butcheries. They do a fantastic job, so that most of us WON'T have to. I still need to actually "do" the task as i was merely observing and taking notes on thii night. Now that i know what is onvloved, I'm definitely going to be putting my "game face" on for my "test" on Saturday afternoon ....lol...

In the words of my wise mother "Do not shun this very important lesson because you will never know when you may be called upon to prepare a traditional chicken stew from scratch, especially if you happen to end up with a Zimbabwean husband." ...Translation - "I DON'T want to be embarrassed"

"Building yourselves in your most holy faith"

Just reading what i wrote in January, has made me realise how different my life has become in just a few short months. On the 29th of January 2012, i could not have forseen or even guessed the challenges that i would have to face on the work front, as well as on the personal front. It's only April and already I feel as though i have "lived a lot" already in 2012.

At the start of this year I was very expectant of what God would do in and through me. It being a milestone year for me, since I turned 30 in February, i had a deep desire for this year to be an extra special one. A year where I would really be able to see the hand of God at work in my life, where I would be able to experience the fruit of many prayers that I have sown in the past year(s). A year where I would be able to harvest and reap. A year where I would dare to hope and believe what the word of God says.

So far it seems to be one fight after the other; with each "battle" stretching and challenging my limits and thresholds of emotional pain. From the threat of legal action against our business, to personal health problems that required that I undergo minor surgery; 2012 has not been the smooth coasting ride that I envisioned or antcipated.

This morning I have been encouraged by a passage that was shared on the very first Sunday of this year, which coincidentally was also the first day of 2012. It's from Jude 1:20-21 and reads "But you beloved, building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God..." Our Pastor shared with us on this day that 2012 was going to be a year of Hope. This did not necessarily mean that things would be smooth sailing till December, but rather, in whatever challenging circumstance we may find ourselves, the word encourages us to build ourselves in faith and remain in the Love of God, and therefore we hold onto the hope of His calling, His promisses and His deliverance in our lives.

I decided to have an attitude adjustment regarding the challenges I have been and am still facing. These are necessary paths that I need to walk as part of my personal Faith Buliding exercise. They are the very opportunities I have been praying for that will allow me to see the Love, Grace and Mercy of God in my life in a whole new light. They are the fabric that will make and shape my personal testimony and make it unique.

It's only April, and I am so excited (yes excited) to see how God is going to redeem every situation and work it out for my good!

Be Blessed