Unexpected Lessons

Having been raised in the “Diaspora”, we did not have many relatives visiting or staying with us as is commonly practised back home in Zim. Living in a foreign country “family” meant the five of us: parents, my two siblings and me. We missed out on a lot of family gatherings and just general interaction with members of my extended family. On my dad’s side of the family we are an extremely large contingent of people. In my generation alone, there are 36 cousins, with and age group (currently) spanning mid- 50s to 10 yrs old. I know all my cousins, but I can be honest and say that I have a consistent relationship with maybe 15% of them.  The same goes for my uncles and aunts, there are those that we were close to us growing up (despite the distance) and others who I know, but have never really had any kind of relationship with that goes beyond sharing the same bloodlines.

My uncle, my dad’s eldest brother has been staying with us for a little over a month. He is the eldest brother of 7 brothers, and will soon be celebrating his 80^th birthday. Whilst growing up I had a very austere view of this man. My most vivid childhood memory of my interactions with him were that this was a hard man, never smiling, strict to the core (he was a High School Headmaster most of his professional teaching career). In my childish arrogance, I felt this man was stubbornly entrenched in extreme conservatism, unwilling to change with the times. My rather skewed view and misgivings about uncle stemmed from an incident that happened when I was 12 yrs old during a family reunion. It is customary where we come from for girls to offer a dish for clean water for elders to wash their hands before a meal. Now anyone reading this that comes from a Shona background may appreciate the notion of “Protocol” in conducting this act. In my innocence and ignorance, I did not observe protocol on this occasion and proceeded to receive a rather humiliating reprimand from my uncle, the head of the entire family. Needless to say I did not see it necessary to pursue any interest in establishing a relationship with my uncle for the next 18 yrs.

On a trip to Zim this past January, my uncle to came to visit us at our home, and I was struck at how much time had passed. I had managed to create an ogre-like image of this man in my mind, yet the person that I was chatting to was nothing like what I had held onto for so long. When it was decided that he should come and spend some time in Swaziland, I had some mixed feelings. I wasn’t too worried though because I don’t live at home anymore (though I do visit frequently). I was however apprehensive about my interactions with him, even how I should dress in his presence (he is old-school Shona – Women don’t wear pants, jeans, short skirts etc).  I also realised that his visiting us in Swaziland would mean that I had to let go of that silly 12yr-old attitude that I had developed, and open up to learning about this man, and getting to know him.

Its incredible how quickly the time has gone by. My uncle is leaving to return to Zim during the course of this week, and I feel as though the time has been too short. I was actually looking forward to my visits at my parent’s home, and having those perfunctory conversations with him. I’ve learned in the recent weeks that my uncle is not the mean, hard man I always imagine him being. He has a sense of humour, albeit wicked (he has some really cruel jokes). It was refreshing when he would unexpectedly pipe up with a hectic diss, lol... With all the life that he has already seen, he retains a sense of wonder at some things that I take for granted, always eager to gather new knowledge, an ever-inquiring mind. Though soccer is his sport of choice, he became converted to supporting cricket, tennis, and any other sport that is a favourite in our home. I discovered that he is extremely self-disciplined. He watches what he eats, looks after health and maintains his fitness (all lessons which could help me right now).  What I appreciated most was his incredible love and concern for his family, his children, biological and extended. He has a serious desire for all of us to go home and have a reunion this December. A time that will allow people to get to know each other again, and enjoy fellowship as the "Kavumbura Clan." He also revealed a solid and steadfast faith. He is resolute in his beliefs, and his convictions are not easily shaken or swayed. Yes I discovered that my uncle is an incredible man; faith-filled, resolute, disciplined, caring and loving.

I felt incredibly humbled and blessed today. He saw it fit to honour an invitation I had extended for him to visit me at my place before he leaves to return to Zim. We had a memorable time, plenty of great laughs and way too much food (oh yes!). I really felt honoured to have him visiting me, at my place. I realised that true wealth is those moments spent with the people that you love. There is nothing that nourishes the soul more than that. I also realised that it’s worth making an effort to take the time to learn about someone. Become re-acquainted, and find new common ground. I am grateful for the last 6 weeks, for having the opportunity to get to know my uncle, to have been able to serve him, and honour him as a daughter. Such opportunities are God-given, blessings to be cherished.