Psalm 42:5 says “Why
are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in
God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God”
It’s incredible how God leads us in
and out of the seasons in our lives. And with each new season; He prepares us
for what it is we may need to face. I would say that the last 10 months or so
have been an extremely trying season in my life in the area of my
job/workplace/career. It has been marked with a lot of frustration. The entire
time my prayer was for God to open new doors of opportunity and to rescue me
out of that situation. Of course, there was no radical rescue plan that came
from above. In about October 2015, I felt as though I had reached my breaking point;
and I thought surely God this has to be it. I can’t do this anymore. Still no
rescue/exit plan… I remember telling a close friend of mine that I guess God
was not yet “releasing” me from this situation. And by His grace I guess I was
given enough wisdom to not try to make it happen for myself. I’ve learnt in my
life experience especially in the last 12 yrs that it is so important to allow
God to lead where he desires us to be. When we make our own plans; they are
almost guaranteed to lead us down a path that takes us away from what God has
intended for us.
So I closed out 2015 with a lot
of stress; a great level of complaining; even more frustration that my
situation was not changing and God was not doing anything to “get me out” of
this thing that was causing me so much angst.
I felt under immense pressure. Leading a small business I felt as though
the staff were against me. I felt myself becoming a sort of “Boss-zilla”, being
very short with people; lacking patience, and generally not really being the
person Christ has called me to be. Though I was praying; remaining in the word;
listening to great teaching; I was becoming the person Paul describes in 2
Timothy 3:5 “…having the appearance of Godliness, but denying its power”(ESV).
2016 rolls in, and I decided to take a week’s break and recalibrate as it were;
and prayerfully ask God what he desired for me in terms of my work/career. And
also ask Him for forgiveness for the bad attitude I had developed over the
course 2015; and wanting to have a refreshed outlook for 2016. On the 10th
of January 2016 Pst Vusi Nkosi preached a convicting and challenging word on Brightening the Corner where God has
placed you. Two weeks later Pst Kevin Ward preached on Vessel of Honour. In his sermon he spoke of work as tool design to
fashion us; shape us; reveal our heart and mould our character. “The enemy of success is ease”. I took
both these sermons to heart and as I had started at the beginning of the year
continued to prayerfully seek God and his plan concerning me in my workplace.
On the 28th of January
2016 I had to confront the biggest challenge of my short career to date.
Something that on the surface had the power to unravel me and all that I had
achieved in the past 9 yrs; something that was going to ruin my reputation. It
felt as though I had been coasting along and suddenly the ground had given way
and in front of me was a chasm which I could not cross. My initial reaction was
one of stomach-churning-fear. A state of mind where every horrific scenario
imaginable starts to play out in our minds. I had hit the proverbial
“brick-wall”. This lasted for 3 days. On the 3rd day; feeling all
cried out and emotionally spent; I remember waking up early to pray; and at the
end of that quiet prayer time; I felt a new resolution. Though I was in a
crisis; one could say the crisis of my career; I decided that I would face it
head on; and through the Holy Spirit and grace of God I would encourage myself
in the word, and remind myself of what it says. That morning was a turning
point; a turning point in a heart attitude and a turning point in my outlook.
The last month, I can only
describe the happenings in my life so far as my work is concerned as a
BATTLEFIELD! The Spiritual War that we often hear spoken about from the pulpit;
the Ephesians 6:10- 21 battle; the 2 Corinthians 10:4 battle. It has been the
storm of Mark 4:35. As I type this I am extremely grateful that God’s grace is
sufficient and that His strength is made perfect in my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).
I am grateful that he has reminded me that the battle is not mine, but it is
His (2 Chronicles 20). I am grateful that “...by day the Lord commands his steadfast
love, and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life”
(Psalm 42:8 ESV). That I have been able to continue to declare his praises in
spite of how I feel, and what I see. Even as I type this; my situation is not
yet resolved; the chaos still swirls around me. I am especially grateful that
in His wisdom he has systematically been a laying a foundation in my life
through his word. It would seem that almost every sermon I have been listening
to in the past few months has been a word in season. I have come to realise
that so often we pray amiss; because we are clouded with frustration and angst;
we are not effective in or prayers because we do not willingly choose to go
deeper in the things of God where He is able to aid us through his Holy Spirit
to discern what the real problems actually are; or their root causes. In the
past week I have come to appreciate that we can pray for the symptoms of a
circumstance to change; the tangible aspects; yet I believe that God would have
us rather pray for the things “which are not seen” to change. The underlying
issues that give rise to the circumstances. And when we avail ourselves to this
“invitation” I truly believe that is when we shall see the truth of James 5:16
– That
the fervent prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working” (ESV)
I have decided to pen this short
snippet of my journey so far today because I believe that as I testify even during my storm (because it is
not yet over); I shall overcome through the words of my testimony (Revelation
12:11) Exodus 14:13 says “Fear not, stand firm and see the salvation
of the Lord, which he will work for you today…”. Often times we
only want to testify at the end of the storm; when we are victorious on the
other side. Yet I believe that God desires for us to see and be grateful for
ALL the victories along the way; and testify as we continue to walk, and continue
standing firm in the power of his might. Sometimes the victory is not about how
the situation/circumstance is changed; but more about what changed in us as we
were faced with such situations. I have come to realise the truth of what we’re
taught from the pulpit that what matters most is the condition of our hearts. Who
are we becoming as a result of the situations God allows in our lives to shape
and mould us? I can’t purport to know how the physical circumstances of my
particular situation will / will not change. I am praying and trusting God to
resolve it in a way that will best bring Glory to Himself. BUT I do know that the Holy Spirit is working in me to change ME as result of them. I do know that
every day I am consciously present in making the decision “Faith vs Flesh”. I
do know that as I look back over recent months, God has been preparing me
despite my foul attitude for such a time as this; so that He can be glorified
in and through me. I can go on and on about how enriching this experience has been
for me (so far) in these last few weeks since 2016 began. I do want to share
that I hope others will be encouraged to scratch below the surface of the
trying circumstances they may be facing. For me my faith battle is playing out
in the workplace/job/career front; it could be different for someone else. I do
sincerely believe that we are being called to a new level of faith and maturity
in our walk with Christ both as individuals and as a church family. We all have
been strategically placed in situations which will beckon us to respond in
Faith and hope; and for the Glory of God in that place/situation/circumstance.
My final encouragement is from James
1: 2 – 4 which says “Consider it a sheer gift, friends when tests and challenges come at
you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced
into the open and shows its true colours. So don’t try to get out of anything
prematurely. Let it do its work, so you become mature and well-developed, not
deficient in any way” (MSG)
I close with the lyrics of a song
that I have been playing over and over in the past 10 months:
For we trust in our God, and
through His unfailing love;
We will not be shaken, we will
not be shaken, we will not be shaken
Though the battle rages we will
stand in the fight, Though the armies rise up against us on all sides
We will not be shaken, we will
not be shaken, we will not be shaken
For in the hour of our darkest
day, We will not tremble, we won’t be afraid
Hope is rising like the light of
dawn, Our God is for us He has over come
For we trust in our God, and
through His unfailing love;
We will not be shaken, we will
not be shaken, we will not be shaken!
This is my prayer and declaration
of faith.
Amen!
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